If I take you back to the early races maybe it's possible to understand why, on those 5 days in Besseges I was able to put in consistent results, not always high placings, but consistent, and then on that one day the good result I had. Is it true I look back on that sometimes and think, I don't have the feeling of then, yes, and as someone tells me it takes a lot of energy away from myself, but is it for lack of trying, absolutely not, Is it because I can't suffer when it gets hard, no I don't believe so, I don't know what it is, but when others are giving up I'm clinging on to some thought somewhere in my mind that it's possible I can come back here, but that's cycling to me, it's suffering, I'm always going to keep going. The last thing? Was the good result in Bessege a Fluke, it's been said before. Absolutely not, not the way I was able to ride that day and suffer to make sure I was able to take at least a bit of something from the day.
I feel I haven't coasted off that result from the beginning of this year, I haven't given up somewhere along the line and said well that was a good result from February, that's not good enough at all for me, all I want is to keep pushing. Also to try and explain for the feeling I have, it's true it's difficult to not be able to follow it up and have at least some small feelings from some of the races, but it's certainly not from lack of trying. I'm not sure if I'll have that feeling again where I can have that edge over other competitors again this year, but I'm searching for it all the time.
So to talk a bit about racing from the last month, I had 2 bigger targets that I was really pushing for but both lead to disappointment, Dwaars door het Hageland, and Schaal Sels, I would describe them as smaller classic races, but possibly just as difficult.
Hageland was the race that was the first target, I can say I wasn't on brilliant form, but after the 2 days I spent riding and driving the course I knew that by just keeping out of trouble and staying near the front I could take a reasonably good result from the natural difficulties of the cobbled climbs and gravel roads, a puncture soon stopped that hope though, after I had missed a selection up front I knew with the difficulty and how the gap was sitting it was possible to get across on the difficult sectors, the course had another idea though and left me with a puncture before the first section of consecutive sectors, the chasing I did after only lead to small group after small group, and we were eventually pulled out later on. Afterwards was hard hearing that some of the guys from the original group I was in got back to the main peloton, and the others from that group I had passed before hand, but that's racing. I'd rather be pulled out from trying to come back than just giving up.
Schaal Sels was a different feeling that lead to more dissapointment. The day before I raced also in a UCI 1.2 race. The first 3/4 I felt terrible with the heat, the last few laps were easy as I had the feeling that I was trying to push for a result, the result wasn't amazing, but I was a lot higher up than usual in a race like that. So Schaal Sels, I rode across to the break away early on and got settled in for the day, it was the perfect scenario, it wasn't hard over the sectors and the group was working together knowing that the longer we staid out front, the less guys there would be when the highly reduced peloton caught us. Unfortunately for me the course had taken its toll on my bike and lead to an incident which didn't cause a crash for me, but lead to some instant pain after a mechanical problem and hitting an object on my bike, I was able to chase back after fixing my bike, and after 15km with another rider who had also punctured on the course eventually we made it back, but with a stabbing pain in my leg every pedal revolution I was soon to be going backwards. After another 45 minutes of pushing through the pain, and the literal sand and dust storms from the convoy, I was still in the hope I was close to the reduced peloton, but after the last car passed me I knew it was no longer.
I'm fairly literal when it comes to cycling, I believe you have to be, at no point have I said " I could have won this race or that race if it wasn't for this or that" but just to have the opportunity for a bit of luck on that day where there is only I that can make a mistake is what I really hope for. Just to push for another strong result.
I felt that maybe I should try an explain for the lack of results, maybe it's not appropriate or needed for some, but for the people who support me, and the team around me who keep working for me to be better, I do understand that I haven't given them as much as they've given me. However I'm not giving up, and I'm not finding it difficult to keep pushing for that, those or more results.
Cheers Jake
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