My mum use to say when I was younger (jokingly so I've been told) oh your a problem child. The people who I live with in Belgium also use the term (problem guy).
I'll start on a positive note, I have finally found out the problem to all my problems. First things first though, at the beginning of the month I started a specific training camp to bring me back up to fitness, it was 5 days of riding with long rides and focused efforts, eating, training, sleeping for 5 days was the perfect way to come back to a good level. I was tired towards the end of the camp but after 5 days I considered that normal. I followed the training after and then again followed it up with another team training day the week after, on this day I had that feeling like someone had a switch to my body, the guys who I were training with prior to this were riding away from me, it wasn't a race, it was a training day, and I felt that wasn't normal.
A few days after, my first competition back in Holland after a month away from racing, out of 150 + riders I was the last to finish in 72nd with a group of 30 riders, It was again easy to think with it been the first race back, after the illnesses and the training camp I was a little bit tired in the training prior to the race, ok it wasn't a good result, but it was also a hard race, and normally this was a good start to level up again afterwards.
The following day I went for blood tests after consulting with the team, because for them and me it wasn't enough, I paid for everything to be checked, normal blood tests and one very in depth test. My first results came back that evening, a couple of things wrong but nothing that could cause me major issues.
The Wednesday after my first ever pro Kermesse. In the start I was jumping around feeling ok, after a few attacks with some big riders the switch came back, and someone flicked it off. Im suddenly struggling to hold the wheels, after 130 km I pulled out. Directly I sat in the back of the van and asked my self what was going on, this really is and was not normal.
For the first time ever I was questioning my mental state, "oh it's all up stairs, there's nothing wrong with me" but for me to not hold a wheel isn't normal, my bike is where all my mental issues go away, it is in fact where I am at peace. The day after the feeling was there again, the feeling of nothing, a ride to the local cafe didn't help much either, soon after arriving I received a message "you need to come back I have your last blood results".
From that message I knew there's something wrong, it was the longest 35 mins back from the cafe ever (I'm sure we had a tail wind to) on returning back I was told that in my body and muscles there were no nutrients, no energy, nothing to push. After all the illness it had become to much, and my body said stop. The race I had pushed through with nothing I had managed to get through convincing myself to keep pushing. In all of this there was nothing I could have done, I consulted the doctor with my illnesses and followed the guides and trainings to the point every time. With the doctors advice I will now take a 2 week rest with out my bike in hope I am back riding shortly after.
Thankfully I now have an understanding why I haven't been able to produce any results over the recent weeks. It is now to focus on the second part of the season and find the shape where I can fight once again. It is not a good feeling to reward the people who support me so much with nothing, so here's a thank you to those who keep on pushing with me.
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