Not bad, but not good.

Looking at this month, it feels a long time ago since I started the 3 days of West Flanders, but not only has this month felt slower, it feels like I've been fighting my body and my stomach the whole month, something I've never had before.

The annoying thing is that it seems to stop me for a few days and then I come through it, I've pushed through all my races this month feeling not in top condition, but I'm sure it's not my legs that are causing me problems, in every race this month even when suffering with outside issues I've felt like I've been able to give something, but at other points it feels like there isn't much in the tank. It is always the same with me, I fight through things until they stop, but that isn't always the best thing to do, but when I carry that mentality in to a race it helps a lot.

I have however been able to take positives from this month, I've been able to experience a lot more, there's racing in Belgium such as Kermesse/club level like I competed at last year, then there's the professional level. When I wanted to be somewhere last year, like at the front, it was a lot easier to be there, what I'm seeing this year is that literally everything is a fight, and if you don't fight to be up the front then in the wind you can be saying good bye very quickly, but even at this level I've had experiences where I've been able to fight for the front, but still I've had no results to show for it this month. 

This past weekend however I had the opportunity to race back in my national colours of Great Britain at the U23 Nations cup of Gent Wevelgem, although still things didn't go to plan, I had a few issues a couple of days before again with my stomach, but I was able to regain some energy before the race started, the wind was up in the morning and it felt like a long wait to see when the moves would be made, but with knowing the roads of that area from the past months races I was in the front with a select group when the pace was really forced. Towards the end it was possible that the illness and the last few days had caught up with me, but I can be more than happy with how most of the day went, and the results the team achieved and took away from the race. 

At the moment it feels like I am constantly questioning myself, how can I do this better, can I do this to help with that, am I going to be good when I hit the start line. I hope to find soon that feeling where I can be a bit more relaxed, but for the moment I'm still working towards finding that place and a few results to feel like that, not just certain parts of the race where I felt it went well.